| Do you often find yourself being the only one in your school without that swoopy hair thing?
Do you like your life?
Do you feel sad because you're not "hip", "cool", and "emo"?
Don't feel sad, we've all experienced it. We've all felt it. But what can you do about it?
Well, that's why I'm here to help. Yes, now for only $9.95 and your soul, you can get your own copy of How to be an EMO, and get ALL the guys... I mean girls.
Here's just a small sample from this AMAZING book. (that's right, it cures cancer)
WARNING: IF YOU ARE MERELY READING THIS GUIDE TO SIMPLY 'IMITATE' THE FABULOUS EMO, PLEASE CLOSE THIS BOOK NOW AND THROW IT IN THE NEAREST TRASHCAN (I don't condone littering, and neither should you). THIS IS FOR SERIOUS READERS ONLY!!! SERIOUSLY, I WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND CRY ALL OVER YOUR PILLOW IF YOU EVEN DARE THINK ABOUT MOCKING ME!!!
POSERS YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
CHAPTER ONE: THE PATH OF THE CLOTHEN ONE
The style of an emo fag is very important. Before you can talk the talk you gotta fit the part. This chapter is divided into three main sections, one for each different EMO look. The Indie EMO, the Nerdy EMO, and the Dressy EMO. I suggest that you look over each one carefully and chose which one you feel fits your 'mood' the best. now even each EMO look will vary in different small boring towns. But this should be just a general overview to the basic EMO looks. Let's begin.
SECTION ONE: THE INDIE EMO
This style works best for boys and girls mainly between the ages of 16 to 20.
The Hair: Most indie EMOs have black hair, dark brown is okay too, but black is defiantly preferred. Though a light blonde on girls works too. If your hair is not naturally black; you can always dye it. In fact, even if your hair is a natural black; we suggest you dye it anyway. Why? Well, the EMO needs their hair to looks as fake black as possible. This shows the world that you spent time, money, and effort on your look. You care. When choosing a dye, look for the cheapest, fakest looking black you can find. You can use permanent, but bad non-permanents rub off on clothing, pillow cases, everything. And this gives you a chance to leave your EMO everywhere.
As for the style of your hair, it should be cut short; at a length just a little past the chin. The bangs should also be cut short, straight right along the forehead. Uneven cutting is okay, but DO NOT cut too long, you need your bangs to be short enough so that they grow out to the length of your eyes, and then you can have fun swishing them out your face. Starting the bangs at eye length will only make them grow to where they are TOO long, you must understand, after cutting your hair it grows faster then normal, then slows down for awhile. If you cut at eye length to start off with you'll just put yourself in the position of having to cut the bangs more than you would want to. The hair should be spiky in the back and possibly a bit greasy.
The Clothing: For the upper wear, tight t-shirts are a must. Don't make them too small though. Make sure they cover up the stomach, it's the tighter the better, not the smaller the better. The shirts should have a faded thrift store look and have a random slogan on it. When it comes to the jackets, denim is a must. Dark denim to be exact.
For the lower body wear, well, that should be obvious to anyone serious about turning EMO; tight pants. Any tight pants will do, but jeans work the best. They shouldn't be too worn, but a little is okay. A faded look is always a good look as well. And converse shoes should be the top off for the lower body clothing.
The Accessories: The indie EMO has a quite a number of accessories. As many pieces of jewelry as you can find, this includes piercings... the more the better. If you can stick a hole in it; do it. Always carry a messenger bag around with you wherever you go. This should be covered with random patches and pins from bands. And the most important accessory? The thick black-rimmed glasses. Whether or not you need them isn't the point. If you can see without them, wear them anyway. No true EMO is complete without them.
SECTION TWO: THE NERDY EMO
This style works best for girls under the age of 17, and guys over 21.
The Hair: The color of the hair should be natural, and styled messy. DO NOT SPIKE IT! You want it to look like you just woke up and just ruffled your hair (though you put way more time into it than just that). For guys the hair should be extremely short; NO hair should be touching the eyes or the ears, I.e. the hair should be cut a ‘normal male’ haircut length. For females chin length short hair is fine. The nerdy EMO hair is possibly the easiest of the EMO hair looks to replicate, as the nerdy EMO look in general tends to lean towards a more ‘natural’ look. There are usually not any dyes to buy, and combs or hair products are not necessary. You want your hair to look as natural and unkempt as possible. But DO NOT go too far and end up looking like a hobo. People may confuse you for a cyber-goth if your fluffy locks turn into a mass of tangled mess that somewhat resembles dreads. Though this is very unlikely; it is possible. Don’t even take the chance.
The Clothing: For upper body wear, v-neck sweaters are preferred. When choosing a v-neck sweater to wear, go for the darker colors. Remember to only get solid colored sweaters, don’t get any striped ones. You don’t want to draw too much attention to yourself, or make yourself look too happy. The sweaters should be tight and thin, you’ll be wearing a t-shirt underneath, and a sweaty EMO is hardly a good EMO. As for the t-shirts, it doesn't really matter because you'll be covering them up with the sweaters, but if you ever plan on taking that sweater off, that t-shirt better be a band t-shirt. Faded, new, gray, white, it doesn't really matter; as long as the band portrays your sadness, it’s all good. For the lower body wear, try Dickies work pants. But ONLY wear black, gray, or blue colored ones. The shoes should, again be Converse. Converse is an EMO’s best-friend. But, this time, make sure they ’re black ones. You should also only wear Argyle socks (you know, that pattern you usually see on Teacher sweaters, with the three colored checker pattern and the lines crossing through them). And don't just think you can skip out on this rule just because they ’re socks, socks can make all the difference.
The Accessories: The nerdy EMO likes to keep it simple when it comes to accessories. A messenger bag covered in patches and pins, and a thick rimmed, black pair of glasses is all he needs.
SECTION THREE: THE DRESSY EMO
The Dressy EMO is sometimes also referred to as: the classy EMO, the Victorian EMO, the snooty EMO, or the classic EMO. The Dressy EMO is the most stylish and self-centered of all the EMOs These EMOs are usually the lead singers or drummers in bands. Though this look works best for girls and guys over the age of 20, there have been noted sightings of it being on people as young as 15.
The Hair: The color of the hair should be black or brown, natural is better, but if you don't have black or brown hair it would be best if you dyed it. When looking for a dye search for the best of quality. You want people to think that this is your real hair color, don't get crappy or cheap hair dye that rubs off or looks fake. Multi-toned permant hair dyes are probally the best choice. As for the style, girls should use the "flip out" style, and medium to long length is preferred. Guys should use the 'moptop' style, if you don't know what that is, just look at the hair of The Beatles.
The Clothing: For the upper body wear, white dress shirts work well and so do dark colored t-shirts, don't make them too tight though; you're not showing off your body, your showing off your style. You should always wear a black or navy blue pea coat. You can also substitute the pea coat for a longer dark colored felt coat, like a trench coat. Don't use coats made of heavy or shiny material, for instance: leather, denim, plastic, or pleather. This looks cheap or makes you come off as something other than EMO. If you wear a dress-shirt underneath the coat, then wear a black or dark blue tie as well, but if you wear just a regular t-shirt then use a dark red scarf. You can wear the scarf with the tie and dress-shirt as well, but you don't have to. For the lower body wear, use heavy dress slacks. They should be black but dark blues work as well. Your shoes should be Doc Martens, clunky black shoes, or black 'Goth' boots. If you use 'Goth' boots, make sure you buy ones without heels, platforms, or 'raised'. I suggest you get Doc Marten or clunky black shoes, because 'Goth' boots that aren't 'raised' are harder to find at a reasonable price.
The Accessories: The givens should be the messenger bag, and the EMO glasses. Don't cover your bag with patches and pins this time though. If you insist on putting something on it, then make it only a few pins and ONLY on the top or bottom of the strap. A silver necklace with a star charm should be the top-off to the look. You can also wear Goth rings, but don't over do it.
And remember, if anyone calls you a fag or stupid for being EMO or making out with guys to attract your fellow EMO ladies; they're probably just jealous.
{I'm not going to blame this on my boredom, though I probably should}
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